This happened to blow my mind when I looked it up because I always thought that a Zagat rating system existed for the city of Denver. To my disbelief there was no such publication on the city of Denver (however they do have one for Long Island so if you like either really rich places to go or even trashier people than those on Jersey Shore check that shit out.) Because of this, I've decided to start the first couple chapters of it and then maybe some random Zagat empolyee will google search "zagat denver" and come across this stupid fucking blog and give me a job. FInally all this bull shit will pay off!ANYWAY... I wrote this a couple weeks ago but since we just got internet and moved out of the Bronze age I'm gonna post it. Oh and it seems like things are finally picking up again in the world of me and others so maybe i'll have something to write about. Feel free to do something crazy so I can exploit it to the world and you'll be famous forever.
So after moving down to Mexico… sorry, I mean West Colfax we’ve come across some pretty stellar places to eat so I’m submitting this as a new chapter to the Zagat’s guide to Denver Restaurants titled, “Order numero 83, smothered with a side of toilet paper.”
Literally right down Newton St on Colfax is the first place on our stop “Taqueria Mexico.” The best thing on the menu so far is probably the gigantic breakfast burrito you can get for $5 and it’s filled with corrizo, eggs, potato and enough cheese and chile to choke a small Mexican, which undoubtedly has probably happened before. Other notable items are the tortilla burger, and any of the combo plates which are anywhere from $6-7 bucks and is just an absurd amount of food. Oh and they give you chips and salsa too, the salsa being pretty damn hot but after a bowl or two your mouth goes numb so you can’t tell. Don’t forget to grab some helado on your way out. They have a cooler by the cashier with a bunch of crazy flavors with some stuff you don’t even wanna try but maybe it’s worth a shot. Fuck, you’re gonna be on the toilet anyway so I wouldn’t really worry about it. Rating: 8 out of 10
The next place is “Los Mesones” which is on something like Mead and Colfax? In any case, if you’re near our house it’s right by Taqeria Mexico so you can’t miss it. On the window is a advertisement for 99 cent tacos!! However, the only problem with that is that the 99 cent tacos are liver tacos. Gracias but I’m gonna stick with maybe some asada or pollo which are only $1.49 or something. Anyway, me and matt had the enchiladas which were solid, so this is gonna be my enchilada recommendation. Rating: 7 out of 10
It reminded me of this place called “Tacos y Salsas” on Kennedy and Federal (but this is only the biggest one, there are like 4 different ones on federal.) The entire menu at this place is in Spanish so brush up on your espanol before entering. Actually, maybe brush up on your Spanish before going to any of these places because you might end up ordering some crazy nasty shit and going home disappointed. Back to tacos y salsas though, the tacos are super basic and they have a salsa bar that you get all your condiments from so when they bring the chips to your table don’t act like an idiot like me and schranck did and stare awkwardly around the place looking for salsa. It’s right by the fucking door! Jesh! But I’m gonna go ahead and recommend any of the tacos and then the gorditas which are pretty big but stuffed with meat and cheese so totally worth it. Cheap as all hell too. Rating : 8 out of 10
Finally we’re gonna go with some more traditional places, the first being “Bubba Chinos” which are all over town but the main one is on federal and then Grandpa’s Burgers which is right down on federal, south of Colfax, too. Bubba Chinos is just a burrito place and it’s pretty basic, pick your meat, pick whether you want cheese or chili in it or go smothered and that’s it. Oh and if you get lucky while you’re there, the guy selling “kicks” might show up and you can grab yourself a pair of jordans with your lunch. What a deal! Rating: 5 out of 10 or 9 out of 10 (depending on the amount of toilet paper you need to use afterwards)
