SB10

Day one: It is a cold morning. The kind of cold that only a Colorado spring can hold. However, the dawn is near. What is to come is a mystery. However, if they only knew what was to come. If they only knew. Famous last words.

This blog won't be the story ridden tale that you may be hoping for. "Seeing is believing" is basically all I can say and if you weren't there, then most of the things I would write about, you would either not understand, find comical or believe. I can however give a brief synopsis before a brief analysis. Here's a list of things that happened/ I learned:
1. Saw the sun rise 3 1/2 times. The half is because I'm not sure if it was the skyline of Austin or the sun. Either way, it was bright.
2. Full frontal male nudity. Whole lot of it too. Two rules to live by on spring break, it's not gay if your not and it's not gay if you shut your eyes. Enough said.
3. Boobs for anything flies in South Padre. This can include, beads,beers,frisbees,footballs, the mere idea of beads or maybe even a jaunty tale of lore. Like I said, anything.
4. Chevy Aveo's suck ass.
5. There should be a warning on boxes of Keystone Light that say Warning: may lead to severe sunburn, lack of inhibition, drunken hot tub experiences, and more Keystone.
6. I'm not proud of it but, I've never stolen more stuff from a series of gas stations. Sorry to the Stripes/Valero cooperation. Checks in the mail.
7. Dance, Dance, Dance, Awesome.



In every sense of the word spring break, South Padre Island defines it. Loads of college kids,partying on a beach listening to loud dance music and actin' a fool. Everybody has perfect fist pump form. There is fifty port-a-potties and people are still peeing on the beach, or at least in the ocean right next to the church group baptizing people in the peepee water. People are puking on themselves, bleeding on themselves, and are wearing anything that draws attention to them while holding a beer bong filled to the brim with some jug of red stuff that's more than likely roofied. It's four years of college jammed onto one strip of beach. I would almost say that it's a "must see" attraction but I think if you just drank yourself into a blackout while in a tanning bed listening to Ke$ha it would be the same effect. Maybe less vomit. At least I know that when my kids want to go down there for spring break I'll have the knowledge that I may never see them again, at least not the little angels they were when they left. There is one more thing I've learned in the past week. I've never been so happy to return to work, school or a cold Colorado. Being exposed to too much partying is poor for your health and it really puts things in perspective. I've also learned that you better enjoy the company that you are around when you have a trip like that because if you don't, you're gonna be wanted for multiple homicides in the state of Texas. So a final cheers to the final college spring break,

Bring it up.....

Sharam – Patt (Party All The Time)

LMFAO x Mujave Shots Remix (Universal Exports Mashup)

Ke$ha – Blah Blah Blah (Redlight Remix)

Peace up, A town down.

I've been listening to really bad music lately. Not because music in general has been bad lately but because I've been submitting myself to situations where I'm subject to poor music quality. I think we can all agree, that no matter how much you may love to nod your head like yeah and move your hips like yeah, it's generally bad music. Moving on from Miley is Ke$ha, who by all accounts is a self acclaimed boozed up whore, At the same time she is just the slutty-er, non-Disney version of Hannah Montana. Also she has a dollar sign in her name, which I think stands for "$he'll probably swallow." Her song blah blah blah, is a club favorite and is fist-pump-tastic but it's a song about how she doesn't care what you have to say and she just wants to bone in the back of the club. Maybe not the best music to submit your 12 year old to when you let her watch whatever she wants on tv. Just sayin. However, it's not just the ladies. Jason Derulo (In My head), Jay Sean (Down), Young Money (Bedrock) and more are equally guilty. Since the advent of auto-tune, (which I'm not totally knocking cause some of it's sweet), every hit single on the radio involves a guy with an auto-tune chorus trying to copy what Usher did in 2004 with the most epic club hit/epitome of dance music song, "Yeah!" Will everybody just back the fuck up off Usher for one minute? No one will ever top the greatest dance song of all time because it's like going back in time and killing your father before he's had time to do the deed. You would not exist without your father's seed and they would not exist without the likes of Usher.

In retrospect however, I'm not sure if I can tell if radio music was any worse when we were kids. Is Hit me baby one more time any better than Telephone? Or is Bye Bye Bye any worse than Carryout? (Which ironically still has my boy JT on the track.) I guess if I had to make any sense of this, it would be that Smash mouth's All-Star is really no different from IYAZ's Replay which is sad but at the same time maybe just proving that the more things change the more things stay the same.

DD2

Long story short, I ended up in a sauna at a golf course and getting eucalyptus oil sprayed in my eyes. Now for the grimy details.
I was duped into getting Denver drunk because Jon said he would buy me Emergen-c and a box wine if I didn't stay home. Helluva deal. I was further persuaded with box seats to the Avs game and since everyone seems to have half chub in their pants over hockey because of the olympics I figured that I might as well hop on the wagon. Game ended up with a penalty shot, open net goal and a hat-trick. Woe as me, what a shitty hockey game. This trip also gave us the chance to see where we will be moving this summer. Within about block of the house is Colfax, with a McDonalds, 7/11 and strip club. Here is a few of my favorite things: McGriddles, Slushies, Titties. This is either going to be a really good relationship or extremely detrimental to my health. The rest of the night was filled with overpriced drinks, disco balls, techno and hanging around a bunch of people that wanted to be on Jersey Shore but didn't make the cut, which means they lost to a person named Snooki, think about that for a minute. However I did get really good at my fist pumping, so not a total loss. Eric ends up sleeping on a all denim couch, which I can't even believe that a company went out and designed an all denim couch but that's the plan they stuck with I guess. Sunday began with a shot of Cuervo around ten in the morning and finished with box wine around ten at night so all in all it was a good day. Hopefully someday I'll look back on all this and laugh but I find it more likely that it'll be more along the lines of telling it to my psychiatrist at a rehab clinic and him diagnosing me as clinically insane. I'm good either way.

Beach Boys - Wouldn’t It Be Nice (TheGirlsCanHearUs! Remix)

Calvin Harris - Stars Come Out (Rektchordz mix)

Pance Party - Kim Jung Thrill Teaser

Bull named Fu manchu

When asked the question, "What if this were your last day to live?" the obvious answers are easy. Steal a car, rob a bank, spend as much money as you could in a 24 hour period, high jack a bar, make out with the nearest cougar, and run from the cops until your eventual death, most likely a firery blaze off a cliff. Like I said easy. The hard answer is skipping over the easy details and trying to decide who you would want to spend those last precious moments of life with. How do you decide the few people who will witness your demise when your life touches so many? What separates them from the rest? Why are they special? Does that mean the others don't mean as much to you or is it more of a proximity problem and the clock is ticking? Could go either way. Do you go the family oriented version and spend it with your parents? Would you tell them this is it for you? Or maybe just spend that extra time appreciating everything they've done for you and say an extra goodbye? You could pick a certain group of friends and go the same way, but then again it might mean a little more to them if you came out and said,"there will be no more after this." A third option would be to go stag and just hang out with a bunch of crazy strangers and leave a note for everyone to read, or leave it as a complete mystery and leave those who care an endless guessing game as to how that last day transpired.

Fourth Option.
Maybe instead of waiting for that last day to come we start treating each coming day with they same attitude as to who matters most in this world to us. Maybe save the robbing of banks and high speed chases for that actual last day because by that point, everyone that matters in your life will already know that you cared and appreciated the friendships and memories you were able to make. You won't have to wait and slam them all together at once. However, you can take the time you do have to reach out and say hi to those who matter, those you want to remember you as a good friend, son, daughter, man, person.
Fuck the cars.
Fuck the cougars.
Fuck the blaze of glory.

Appreciate it. Live for those who matter.


Ellie Goulding - I'll Hold My Breath

Sugar Tongue Slim – “In For The Kill”

Ellie Goulding – Starry Eyed (Penguin Prison Remix ft. Theophilus London)