In light of graduation and whatnot, I've decided to take account of what I've done in the last five years. I've done things I've never dreamed of doing, I've seen things I've never dreamed of seeing, and mostly I've drank things I've never dreamed of drinking. However, throughout the years I seemingly forgot to keep a list of the things I have done so in any case I will attempt to recreate a diary of the last five years. Dates, names and actual series of events may be altered but my memory will try and serve me as best as possible.
*Warning - This is a multiple part entry and this is the first of the series. This blog gets pretty fucking long, but I'd like to see you condense five years into anything shorter! jerks.....
August 26, 2005
Dear Diary,
Today is my first day of college! Just got all my shit moved into this dorm room and while I was trying to get my clothes hamper into the top of my closet the handle of tequilla I had fell out and my dad saw it. The only thing he said was "be careful with that shit," and he left it at that. Haven't met anyone yet really except for my roommate who may or may not be a homo, not too sure yet. Well I'm gonna go up to those Jack Jake and Jon's rooms now and hopefully scheme on as many chicks as possible on my way up.
August 27, 2005
Dear Diary,
Just woke up. We were supposed to do a bunch of team building shit with the rest of the hall and then go do this gay picture thing but my face hurts from all the tequilla so i've opted out. Met some people last night. One guy ran in and said he got a blow job in the stair well. gonna be a sweet year I think. Also, had my first bout with the dining hall and also my first fight with the toilet. also gonna be a long year with that one.
September 4, 2005
Dear Diary,
First birthday of college but I drank myself into a damn near comma yesterday so we'll see what happens. We played CU for the first time in football and almost won but that douche crosby had to kick a 48 yarder for the win. Maybe next year. Anyway me jake and dave finished a whole handle of tequilla and then went out partyin. We hit up a house somewhere on elizabeth and then went and partied with some older guys from Durango. Good times, got home around 3 or 4 not really sure.
October 29, 2005
Dear Diary,
Halloween is awesome in college. It's basically an excuse for everybody to look like an idiot and for girls to dress like sluts. totally sweet. however the night did not end as well as it started. After chugging a couple cups of beer over at that house on the corner of laurel and shields we and dameworth ran across the street. I then proceeded to vomit behind a electrical box as soon as we got back onto campus and when we turned the corner to cops were standing there with their flashlights on. awesome. at least the best part was that they took a picture of us and then dameworth proceeded to tell them that our court date wasn't gonna work because of Hanukkah. Smooth. By the way, Dameworth isn't Jewish.
January 1, 2006
Dear Diary,
Last night was a fucking crap shoot. Two kegs, dozen handles, case of champagne and every person in Durango I've ever drank with. Cheers to Box, Beach and Kieth for hosting such a shindig. We just ate breakfast, tried to go to the Diner but they aren't open on New Years Day because everyone that works there is a drunk and they like the day off as much as the rest of us. Justice just puked outside my car the second we left Oscars. Gonna be a good year.
March 20, 2006
Dear Diary,
Just got back from spring break. I'm suffering severe alcohol withdrawals. I can't sleep and my stomach can't handle anything but rice crispies. Found out some interesting stuff about Jake during the trip. Nothing worth repeating in good company. From the time I left Fort Collins last Friday night til we got into the city of San Diego it snowed or rained the entire time. Needless to say we didn't get ot go to Tijuana but Rosarito was sweet nonetheless. To summarize, condo was awesome, almost blew jacks hand off with a M-1000, beer bongs make friends, and sling blade in spanish is hilarious. I hope to god I never go back to that shit hole.
May 18, 2006
Dear Diary,
Pops just picked me up from school and I just got home. Turns out JC and duvall got a house. Fuckin sweet. Just what I needed too. A place to continue drinking all summer long. Thunderdome Ho!
June 3, 2006
Dear Diary,
Just got back from Navajo from camping there last night only to refuel with more beer and food. We camped right near this cliff face so we are gonna try and move so no drunk chicks walk off of it in the middle of the night cause that sounds like something a stupid drunk chick would do.
June 4, 2006
Dear Diary,
Some drunk chick named Kiernan walked off the cliff last night. Broken T6 T7 vertebra. Awesome. gonna be a good summer.
August 17, 2006
Dear Diary,
We moved back up to Fort Collins today and got all of our shit unpacked. Fuckin stoked to have a house of our own to actually throw a party and drink without getting harassed by RA's. I doubt we'll get any problems from the cops too cause this neighborhood seems pretty chill. Plus the one lady next to us is about a hundred so she doesn't even know what a phone is.
August, 20 2006
Dear Diary,
Fuckin cops. Me and Justice just got underages while we were walking home. I should have been less responsible and driven home. they would have never seen that coming. Anyway, this will be the last time we have to deal with the cops.
September 10, 2006
Dear Diary,
Rams beat the buffs at Invesco, 14-10. Suck it Ralphie.
September 16, 2006
Dear Diary,
Fuckin cops. We just got our first noise violation. I guess blasting music late into the evening with gobs of people hanging out in the backyard aren't good materials for a successful party. Hopefully this will be the last time we have to deal with the cops.
October 29, 2006
Dear Diary,
Fuckin COPS!! Halloween was a total success but good jesus! WE CAN'T GET AWAY WITH SHIT! However for some reason this ticket is actually less than the first one. Go fig.
December 2, 2006
Dear Diary,
No cops but other problems occurred at the first annual sweater party. To recount, some chick shit her pants. Yes, some chick actuall shit herself. She went from puking off the back porch to falling into the bathroom, to destroying the bathroom, to falling into the living room/middle of the party with shit on the back of her pants. It's just puke her friends said. Well if it was just puke than why does it look and smell like shit? Also, Justice's car got egged, hilarious, the gate to the backyard got ripped off the hinges, the water to both the sink and toilet were shut off, for some odd reason, and they are both clogged and packed with vomit, none of which is anyone that can remember anything. After a couple of bottles of drain-o the party was a success I would say.
January 12, 2007
Dear Diary,
Chase moved in today. I guess his lanky ass couldn't take any more date rape/arab kid hallway rave parties at bear creek. Sweet night though. Little does he know that those parties also occur at our house.
March 21, 2007
Dear Diary,
For some reason we decided to go back to Rosarito. However this time included actually going to Tijuana. In hindsight a poor life choice. After our Taxi back to the border was pulled over by the cops and we were searched for drugs while Justice is yelling "No Drogas" over and over even though they speak perfect english, we throw 8 bucks at the driver and book it because we told him we were gonna pay him $30 but $8 was all we could muster. While at full sprint, Chase turns and violent vomits about 30 feet from the customs checkpoint. This is proceeded by an hour of Dameworth and Chase puking in the bathroom together while Dave tried to fight Justice cause he thought we left him behind but in actuality we was trailing us by leff than half a block the entire time. Rosarito once again proves to be one of the worst place on the planet to party mainly because it has $5 all you can drink places aka Devil Band Bar. KAMIKAZES!!!
August 6, 2007
Dear Diary,
Last night was Fuller's 21st birthday but it was also a celebration of sorts for Justice and Josh since it was the first time they could all do it together. After drinking here until midnight, the three of them headed out to the bars where they proceed to get hammered. However, Justice decided to get entirely more drunk than everybody else and went on a vomit rampage in the Silver Mine bathroom, that is until Jess came in and yelled at him to get in the car. They pulled up outside the house with Justice's head out the window and we proceeded to molest him in the front yard while he puked his brains out. Then Matt fell down the stairs. Don't worry, he just laughed the pain away.
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