Ye Old Pilgrims - Jolly St. Nick

There seems to be an awkward down period between Thanksgiving and Christmas in which people pretend they aren't super psyched for Christmas because it's still only the 3rd of December so they don't want to let on too strong that they are really that excited. This is why I am proposing a new winter holiday system that begins with the week of Thanksgiving and ends with January 1st. The week of Thanksgiving will be known as the ceremonial week where everybody gets the four day weekend starting with the night before Thanksgiving. In years past it seems like someone I know gets so blackout wasted that it semi-ruins their Thanksgiving Day because they are too fucked up still to eat a real meal. Sure they may munch on a few carrots and celery sticks and maybe a dinner roll or two but everybody at the table is silently disgusted/laughing at the severe hangover that person has. The Friday after Thanksgiving usually includes some sort of major party because everybody is sick and tired of keeping it under wraps while drinking with their family, therefore this night is filled with further debauchery. Also this night may be your recovery night from Thanksgiving if you have a very little amount of values and you went to a casino and strip club on Thanksgiving with three of your buddies.
The week after Thanksgiving is usually followed by the annual Christmas Sweater party or for my Jewish followers, the "holiday party." Just wear sweater with snow flakes and stop quit your bitchin. Anyway, it seems that people get just as crazy for this type of party as they do for holidays such as Halloween. Maybe it's the goofy sweater and the feeling that you are in costume so nobody will recognize you. Add that along with multiple bottles of egg nog whiskey and mistletoe and you got yourself a good ol fashioned orgy. Remember, Santa knows if you've been good or bad so be good for goodness sake, or at least don't pee the bed.
The weeks between sweater party and the actual holiday of Christmas seems to be a down period except for the one night when everyone goes home to their respected cities and once again gets hammered drunk. But hell, it's the first time you've seen them since May so fuck it, let's get tanked. The worst part about this one though is that you have to go home to your parents house so it makes you look really bad cause all they see is that 1. you came home for Thanksgiving and got hammered and 2. you came home for Christmas and got hammered. "Is this what you live like in college?" The easy answer is, "Basically yes."


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Kid Cudi - Pursuit Of Happiness (Steve Aoki Dance Remix).mp3

Peaches - Trick or Treat (this song is only hear cause peaches is fucking ridiculous)

NINA SIMONE - FEELING GOOD (TROUBLEMAKER REMIX)




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Black Out

I awoke on the couch at 4:52 A.M. Not too sure what happened up to that point. Only one missed call, so apparently I was not needed in any dire situations. I've come to find that black outs are becoming more common and trendy in today's market. This is probably due to the lack of social skills people have come to acquire through the years of online, faceless, communication. This is also possibly due to cheap whiskey prices. The act of watching people blackout has become quite entertaining. Everybody has a different tell of how they are blacked out. These actions include loss of coordination, repetition of words, i.e. "I wanna go home,I wanna go home." "It's the top of the ninth with two outs, just hold on." The far spectrum of the black out stage is probably pissing your pants. This means you are so freaking wasted that you can't even get yourself up and even attempt to pee in the toilet. One example of the morning after pissing yourself conversation goes like this: ( names have been edited for anonymity, you know who you are) Scene, 7:00 a.m. Saturday morning, two men in one dorm bed: "--- why are you wearing my pants?" "Bro I'm not wearing your pants." "--- I just looked under the covers and you are totally wearing my pants, why do you have them on, moreover, how do you have them on? Those are 32 30s. Don't you wear 36s?" "... ya. I'm totally wearing your pants. I must have pissed in mine, they are probably in the shower." scene.Black out.

A sure tell of when someone is blacked out is the eye test. If someone looks like they have been drinking for eight hours as well as they have just smoked a gigantic crystal meth rock, they are probably blacked out.Glazed over eyes while you are speaking directly to their face is not a good sign of a coherent person. Also, if one eye is shut or one eye is able to drift into the corner of the eye socket while the other stares you down probably means that he or she is completely blacked out.
All of this is followed by the morning after the black out which may result in the worst day of your life. Take for example the Tijuana model. The two instances I have traveled to that dirty Mexican hell hole of a city, I have either been completely blacked out or damn near the darkest shade of brown you have ever seen, no racist pun intended. In the first case, the four of us were just young adolescent boys looking to get a titty or two in our faces. Little did we know that it would result in five strip clubs, the back refrigerator of a liquor store, and hours upon hours of taco eating and double tequila shots in front of what appeared to be some sort of club that had either been abandoned or was just the cover for an underground cocaine distribution center/ cock fighting and donkey show arena. Flash forward ten hours. Four adolescent boys waking up in a hotel room with absolutely no recollection of how the arrived at their destination. However, there is a strange picture of all of them in front of some sort of giant copper seal of the United States, which begs the question of "Who the fuck were we with and when did they take this picture?" The fact that I blacked out is not the concerning part. The scary part is that nobody remembers anything. We all lost four to eight hours of our lives because there was nobody there to recall any of the events of the last several hours. To top it off, the only place to eat breakfast when you are that close to Tijuana is the IHOP which requires that you have had at least two years of Spanish training prior to entering the building. Plus, you'll probably find Chase in the last stall in the bathroom vomiting up the single slice of toast that he ate, which is surprising because I was pretty sure that Jon and him puked everything out the night before.


Röyksopp - Tricky Tricky (Horror Shower Remix)

Shakira - She Wolf (Skeet Skeet's Dancefloor Dub)

Premeditated Felony Arson

I've been thinking about committing premeditated felony arson lately which has prompted me to construct a list of what targets to hit first. This list is in no way complete and I believe that it never will be because there will be many things in my life time which will be constantly added to this list. The reasons behind each burning may not seem relevant to everyone but for one reason or another they deserve to be burned to the ground. Some of the burnings may include people but in general the burnings serve as a mere warning to those who belong to said burnings. I'm not looking for manslaughter charges as well, just merely arson and if I can get away with it, all the better. Here is the beginning of the list in no particular order.


1. Where ever Ronald Emmerich works.
Ron is the director of such gems as Day After Tomorrow starring everybody's favorite brokeback star, Jake Gyllenhaal. Along with this he has also directed the movie Eight Legged Freaks with David Arquette and the tag line of the movie poster was Do you hate spiders? Do you really hate spiders? Well they don't like you either. Finally, this mastermind created the latest Hollywood blockbuster, 2012. Two words, and you probably know which two. Cheese Grater For those of you who don't or those who would like a definition here we go: Cheese grat-er [cheez][grey-ter] - noun - verb. One that grates, as an implement with sharp-edged slits and perforations on which to grate things. i.e. Penis. When I went to go see the movie 2012 not only did I get butter on my popcorn but also a sprinkling of freshly grated dick cheese.
The worst is that this guy actually made two of the greatest American movies of all time - The Patriot with Mel Gibson and Independence Day. Yes THE Independence Day. What happened to him? Did he forget how to make a successful movie? Did story lines really get that bad? Save your money. Buy matches and gasoline with it instead.

2. The guy who gave me a parking ticket on Friday the 13th.
Seriously? Are you serious? You know whats really unlucky on Friday the the 13th? Getting your fucking house burned down. The worst part about it was that by doing the math, my meter expired at 10:16 A.M. The ticket was written at 10:18 A.m. I returned to my car at 10:20 A.M. Seriously.
The argument can be made that he is just doing his job. However, the choice to become a meter attendant was a conscious decision made on behalf of a rational individual. Therefore, consciously this individual should understand the rational act of getting his house burned down because we both are performing rational actions. He is merely doing his job, I am merely burning all of his belongings. Makes sense to me.

3. This is just a general list of shit that pisses me off and may or may not be included on the final list of stuff to burn.
-Comcast
-The guy sitting in the library lobby and seemed to get irritated with me while i was talking to Pete but he had his headphones on and there was fifty other people talking
-KIA Souls
-People who are driving but seem to have no sense of direction or purpose. They are just driving to drive which would make sense if they were doing it on a nice day in the country but not at six at night in shitty weather.
-Poor search results on Google
-The designer of Orbitz packaging because I always lose about two pieces due to the fact that they stick to the very corners of the packs and then rip open somehow.


Anyway, this rant has quelled many of my urges to commit a crime. Feel free to comment on stuff you wanna burn down. I'll find something interesting to write about next week.

Ellie Goulding – Under The Sheets (Kids At The Bar Remix) - click to download from other site

The White Panda - Eminem Front - click to download from other site

Macklemore + Ryan Lewis - Otherside. Download - just gotta right click this sucker

Denver Drunk

In my travels I have found that there are many types of drunk. They range from drinking the second you get out of class cause you just failed your nine o'clock in the morning chem test, to the Sunday morning wake up and take a shot of whiskey before you head out to Outback Steakout and get smashed on Gold Coast 'ritas while waiting on your third loaf of bread. However, there is a certain drunk that trumps all of these. Denver Drunk. Denver drunk is achieved by getting absolutely blackout wasted every single time you go drink in Denver. Denver drunk is usually accompanied with drinking the entire drive down so as to not spend about three hundred dollars at the bars. There are also certain traits to a Denver drunk. First, you usually end up sleeping in some sort of situation that you would normally not be accustomed to. This includes, but is not limited to, apartment building hallways, stairwells, and the Denver Arts Center lobby. There is a simple correlation effect for this. The more exotic the location of your resting spot, the more Denver drunk you were. Second, Denver drunk usually results in some sort of loss of bodily fluid. Whether it's vomit, shit or blood, you're gonna lose something. I guarantee it. If it's not a fluid you're at least going to lose a little bit of self respect.


There are a few theories on why Denver drunk can be so destructive. My personal belief is that all inhibition is thrown to the wind mainly because you don't know anybody around you. You hang around with three friends for the entire night and that's it. Everybody else is a complete stranger and therefore you're allowed to act and behave like a total jackass. It's a different situation when you party in the place you live. People know you and therefore judge your every action. If you were to be Denver drunk where you live and go to class or work Monday morning, you will not get the same reaction if you were to go into a Village Inn on Colfax some Monday morning. The worst part about Denver drunk is that the entire process encourages itself. If you are allowed to behave like a jackass for an extended period of time, i.e. Denver drunk, while at the same time nobody is frowning upon your actions, then it gives the false sense of making it appropriate. At no point is it appropriate to sleep in the hallway of the Twenty One apartments across from Coors Field. At no time is it acceptable to pee on the roof of Jackson's Sports Bar and certainly not acceptable to break into the Denver Arts Center and sleep in the lobby. Basically, Denver drunk brings out the worst in people which probably is the reason why Denver drunk is so much fun. Denver Drunk. The decline of Western Society at its best.


The White Panda "What Lonely Girls Do" (Lil' Jon vs. Eminem vs. Oceanlab)

4,3,2,1 Care Bear Countdown

Once upon a time in Carealot,a great assembly of nine Care Bears took place. The leader was supposedly Tender Heart, although it would have been wiser if the bears would have been following a blind and deaf squirrel through a cave of shit. The rest of the bears were as follows: Cheer Bear was pissed. Someone must have eaten his fajitas. Friendship Bear ironically lost friends. Good Luck Bear did no such thing. Funshine Bear was a gloomy reminder of how not to act while Daydream Bear just kept on dreaming that someone actually cared about him. Keep dreaming bear. Surprise Bear was, SURPRISE! Hammered. Grumpy Bear couldn't have been happier to be wearing a little boys costume and Bedtime Bear was more along the lines of blacked out bear. The fellowship was set. The journey could begin.






Somehow, both kegs get cached right after the liquor stores close. The whiskey is gone and its on to the gin and tequila. Hell lets make it a Care Bear dance off.
I awoke to Good Luck bear on my floor. Friendship emerged sweaty and wet as usual. The couch was littered with parts and pieces of bears. Little bits of hearts and sunshines everywhere. Grumpy needed fifteen more minutes and was not happy that he had to drill in his doorknob the night before. Remember-to-grab-your-fucking-keys bear couldn't make it. Before embarking on their second journey, Grumpy Bear had to vomit. Again, it's starting to make more and more sense why he is so upset.





Later, while Friendship Bear continued to offend others, Grumpy made a new companion.





At the same time Funshine proceeded to go ahead and skate or die.



Careful Funshine, you wouldn't want to go and break your asshole. Care Bears only get one.



This part of the adventure...




Would eventually lead to this...




And later would become a straight up street brawl. The final battle between good vs evil. Grumpy and Bedtime vs a couple of street hoods.Douche Redsox fans at that. And who gives a shit if Grumpy may or may not have given the guy a cheap shot. You got dropped by a care bear bitch! Boom Pow Surprise! Bear.


In conclusion, the bears once again awoke with a startle. Blacking out had seemingly become a natural ritual for the Care Bears. Their new best friend was Evan Williams. Their bear suits smelled of old Keystone and ball gravy, but overall it was totally sweet. Mission successful.

Beat It (The Blisters Boyz Remix) – Michael Jackson download