Black Out

I awoke on the couch at 4:52 A.M. Not too sure what happened up to that point. Only one missed call, so apparently I was not needed in any dire situations. I've come to find that black outs are becoming more common and trendy in today's market. This is probably due to the lack of social skills people have come to acquire through the years of online, faceless, communication. This is also possibly due to cheap whiskey prices. The act of watching people blackout has become quite entertaining. Everybody has a different tell of how they are blacked out. These actions include loss of coordination, repetition of words, i.e. "I wanna go home,I wanna go home." "It's the top of the ninth with two outs, just hold on." The far spectrum of the black out stage is probably pissing your pants. This means you are so freaking wasted that you can't even get yourself up and even attempt to pee in the toilet. One example of the morning after pissing yourself conversation goes like this: ( names have been edited for anonymity, you know who you are) Scene, 7:00 a.m. Saturday morning, two men in one dorm bed: "--- why are you wearing my pants?" "Bro I'm not wearing your pants." "--- I just looked under the covers and you are totally wearing my pants, why do you have them on, moreover, how do you have them on? Those are 32 30s. Don't you wear 36s?" "... ya. I'm totally wearing your pants. I must have pissed in mine, they are probably in the shower." scene.Black out.

A sure tell of when someone is blacked out is the eye test. If someone looks like they have been drinking for eight hours as well as they have just smoked a gigantic crystal meth rock, they are probably blacked out.Glazed over eyes while you are speaking directly to their face is not a good sign of a coherent person. Also, if one eye is shut or one eye is able to drift into the corner of the eye socket while the other stares you down probably means that he or she is completely blacked out.
All of this is followed by the morning after the black out which may result in the worst day of your life. Take for example the Tijuana model. The two instances I have traveled to that dirty Mexican hell hole of a city, I have either been completely blacked out or damn near the darkest shade of brown you have ever seen, no racist pun intended. In the first case, the four of us were just young adolescent boys looking to get a titty or two in our faces. Little did we know that it would result in five strip clubs, the back refrigerator of a liquor store, and hours upon hours of taco eating and double tequila shots in front of what appeared to be some sort of club that had either been abandoned or was just the cover for an underground cocaine distribution center/ cock fighting and donkey show arena. Flash forward ten hours. Four adolescent boys waking up in a hotel room with absolutely no recollection of how the arrived at their destination. However, there is a strange picture of all of them in front of some sort of giant copper seal of the United States, which begs the question of "Who the fuck were we with and when did they take this picture?" The fact that I blacked out is not the concerning part. The scary part is that nobody remembers anything. We all lost four to eight hours of our lives because there was nobody there to recall any of the events of the last several hours. To top it off, the only place to eat breakfast when you are that close to Tijuana is the IHOP which requires that you have had at least two years of Spanish training prior to entering the building. Plus, you'll probably find Chase in the last stall in the bathroom vomiting up the single slice of toast that he ate, which is surprising because I was pretty sure that Jon and him puked everything out the night before.


Röyksopp - Tricky Tricky (Horror Shower Remix)

Shakira - She Wolf (Skeet Skeet's Dancefloor Dub)