Denver Drunk

In my travels I have found that there are many types of drunk. They range from drinking the second you get out of class cause you just failed your nine o'clock in the morning chem test, to the Sunday morning wake up and take a shot of whiskey before you head out to Outback Steakout and get smashed on Gold Coast 'ritas while waiting on your third loaf of bread. However, there is a certain drunk that trumps all of these. Denver Drunk. Denver drunk is achieved by getting absolutely blackout wasted every single time you go drink in Denver. Denver drunk is usually accompanied with drinking the entire drive down so as to not spend about three hundred dollars at the bars. There are also certain traits to a Denver drunk. First, you usually end up sleeping in some sort of situation that you would normally not be accustomed to. This includes, but is not limited to, apartment building hallways, stairwells, and the Denver Arts Center lobby. There is a simple correlation effect for this. The more exotic the location of your resting spot, the more Denver drunk you were. Second, Denver drunk usually results in some sort of loss of bodily fluid. Whether it's vomit, shit or blood, you're gonna lose something. I guarantee it. If it's not a fluid you're at least going to lose a little bit of self respect.


There are a few theories on why Denver drunk can be so destructive. My personal belief is that all inhibition is thrown to the wind mainly because you don't know anybody around you. You hang around with three friends for the entire night and that's it. Everybody else is a complete stranger and therefore you're allowed to act and behave like a total jackass. It's a different situation when you party in the place you live. People know you and therefore judge your every action. If you were to be Denver drunk where you live and go to class or work Monday morning, you will not get the same reaction if you were to go into a Village Inn on Colfax some Monday morning. The worst part about Denver drunk is that the entire process encourages itself. If you are allowed to behave like a jackass for an extended period of time, i.e. Denver drunk, while at the same time nobody is frowning upon your actions, then it gives the false sense of making it appropriate. At no point is it appropriate to sleep in the hallway of the Twenty One apartments across from Coors Field. At no time is it acceptable to pee on the roof of Jackson's Sports Bar and certainly not acceptable to break into the Denver Arts Center and sleep in the lobby. Basically, Denver drunk brings out the worst in people which probably is the reason why Denver drunk is so much fun. Denver Drunk. The decline of Western Society at its best.


The White Panda "What Lonely Girls Do" (Lil' Jon vs. Eminem vs. Oceanlab)